All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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