My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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