all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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