Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
