I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
