he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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