Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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