I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am midnight drunk by noon
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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