JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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