stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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