i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
