i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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