yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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