i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
