A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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