is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
high people should be assigned attendants
zippers are such a cool invention
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
