last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
