PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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