On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
