Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
