Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
