You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
