The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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