the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
