Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
