ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
