Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
