the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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