How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
