So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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