She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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