Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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