i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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