This girl is more easily done than said...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
