Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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