I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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