I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
