3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
