genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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