the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
