When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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