He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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