its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
