literally had 100 drinks last night.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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