Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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