he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
