my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
