fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
