I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
there is glitter all over my balls
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