I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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