Just fell off a train. Bad.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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