have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
