i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
