The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
