youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
