whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He did a backflip because drugs
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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