I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
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I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
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Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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