i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
