My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
accomplished twins. life is a go
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
