Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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