I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
