how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
