It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Are we still banned from the library?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
