he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
