we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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