I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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