i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
