Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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