i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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